Lebanese Geographic

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Imagine your life as an Animal Planet or National Geographic documentary. Imagine your life Lebanese women with your Lebanese men. The hidden camera lens watching your every move as you go about socializing with each other, forming relationships, thinking yourselves to be in love, being together most of the time, talking to each other on the phone from dawn to dusk, thinking of each other from dusk to dawn, getting engaged, , starting the series of endless fights. And while all that is happening, there is a commentary in the background that is saying calmly, quietly without a tinge of emotion: “the Lebanese female eyes the Lebanese male; the Lebanese male does not react because he will not let his manly pride flinch. “

You are unaware of anything.

“When the Lebanese Female, also known as ‘the shlikeh’ between Lebanese Men, stops eyeing the Lebanese Male, also known as ‘the air’ amongst Lebanese Women, he will take a chance and trot with his weighty manly pride and roam around the shlikeh waiting for the right opportunity to prey her with his predator instinct. The air may talk to other ladies in order to come close to the shlikeh, but all along his plan is to possess and control.

“After successfully engaging and communicating with the shlikeh, the air’s pride reaches a new level of pretentiousness and the shlikeh feels humbled by the air. Throughout their time of courtship, the air and the shlikeh flaunt a fake flexible personality and boast a superficial open mind; the air rages on other people at the slightest feeling of insult, which includes any possible spoken word or act for his pretentious body springs with imaginary feathers that spread two meters out of his body; the shlikeh tries to make all other airs jealous as she participates in a clandestine and unconscious beauty competition with every existing female while appointing one female as her idol, usually a well known image within her community, and rarely her mother.”

The commentator stops speaking, allowing the audience to listen to your nocturnal conversations and to observe your best method of partner discovery, which wreaks denial and leaks the best acting the world has seen on a National Geographic or an Animal Planet documentary.

“Upon engagement, the air’s tribe’s patriarchal congregation visits the shlikeh’s house to ask her hand in marriage, which is preceded by a period of engagement in which the shlikeh and the air, are allowed to enjoy some time alone without worrying about being seen or talked about. This is usually a troublesome time for the shlikeh since the air’s pride reaches maximum level and at the same time, he feels a longing for customs and traditions. The controlling hands of the air try to model the shlikeh into a traditional construct of obedient decent looking housewife. The shlikeh soon feels that she’s being made into something she does not want to be and as a natural reflex, tries to retaliate. And then, all hell breaks loose, and everything turns to nothing.”

Imagine that my Lebanese male. Imagine that my Lebanese female. My air and my shlikeh. My animals.

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